How To Tell if Your Spouse is Lying or Hiding the Truth

Unfortunately, almost everyone lies at one point or another. It might be a friendly lie praising the cook for a meal that is actually almost inedible, or it might be a big lie like an affair or illegal dealings. If you suspect your spouse is lying, here are a few things that might give it away.

Look Into His / Her Eyes

In most liars, the eyes give it all away. A person who is lying often has a hard time casually meeting you gaze. And even if your spouse is comfortable in a lie, she might still unintentionally glance down or shift her eyes to the right or left while speaking. If you suspect she’s been lying to you, ask her a question or two about the topic in question. If she has a hard time meeting your eyes, has shifty eyes or tries to stare you down, you might have a valid case.

Are They Sweating?

Liars tend to get sweaty. They know they are in the wrong, and their body works overtime trying to maintain the adrenaline rush of doing something naughty. If the topic in question comes up and your partner suddenly seems flushed, hot and maybe even gets a few bead of sweat on her brow, she might just be overheating. But if she was cool and calm a minute ago, and suddenly looks like she’s been jogging, you might have something to discuss in depth.

Look At Their Posture

There are two kinds of posture which might give you a clue about your spouse’s honesty. If your spouse suddenly becomes jumpy or fidgety when those where not her characteristics before you suspect the lying began, you should investigate further. On the contrary, if she suddenly is aloof and cold, she might be distancing herself from you and her lie. Try to have a fun, friendly conversation with her. If you can’t pin her down and see your old spouse again, consider digging deeper.

Being Defensive

Finally, arguably the most obvious sign of lying is when your spouse suddenly becomes defensive and touchy on the hot topic. If she’s suddenly defending the man you both had enjoyed poking fun at or getting angry every time you bring up an unusually high credit card bill, dig deeper to find out what is really going on. She might just feel guilty for hurting the guy’s feelings, or she might feel guilty because she’s gotten to know him better – a lot better.

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How To Resolve Conflict in a Marriage

Marriage is hard work. When two people decide to share a life, everything is shared. The good stuff and the bad all live in the house with you, and sometimes the bad stuff can make things sticky. If you’ve hit a rough spot in your marriage, here’s how to resolve that conflict.

Identify the Conflict

The first step in resolving conflict is to figure out what the conflict is. There are all kinds of fighters, but the best kinds are not the ones who never seem to actually fight – they are the ones who take the time to figure out what they are fighting about.

If you and your spouse are suddenly at odds, immediately call a time-out. Even if you’ve just been insulted, avoid the temptation to lash back. Be the mature one and tell your significant other you want to take a few minutes to cool off so that the two of you can work this out.

Then work on figuring out why you are angry. Most fights are about symptoms, not causes. You are angry because he didn’t take the trash out, but if you stop long enough to really think about it, you might find the trash isn’t really the problem. The problem is that you asked him twice to take the trash out, he ignored both requests and you feel like he doesn’t value you.

Take Turns

It will seem rather elementary, but when you come back together, take turns. You might even use a timer or pass a feather back and forth to remind you whose turn it is to talk. If he’s still itching to fight, let him go first. Let him put it all on the table without interrupting or allowing yourself to get dragged into an argument. If he asks a question, try to avoid answering in the heat of the moment by telling him you’d rather just let him get it all off his chest before taking your turn.

When it is finally your turn, state your position calmly. Always state the problem in terms of yourself to avoid making him feel defensive (even if he should be) as this will slow down the resolution. Instead of saying, “You always make me feel worthless when you ignore me asking you to take out the trash,” try “I get angry when I feel like you’ve ignored a simple request like taking out the trash.” By making statements about you and your feelings rather than your spouse and his shortcomings you will almost immediately take the flare out of the fight.

Keep Your Cool

You can be angry. You can be furious, but you must keep your cool. Yelling might make you feel better now, but it will most likely only make a problem worse, not better. If your spouse starts yelling, ask him to stop. Simply tell him that you are interested in fixing this problem, and that you’d prefer to talk about it. If he can’t seem to stop, don’t respond in kind. Ask him to let the problem be for now and come back and revisit it later when everyone has had a chance to cool down.

Forgive Your Spouse

A problem isn’t resolved until both parties have moved past it. It’s hard to resolve every conflict by the time the sun comes up, but try to take care of as many as possible the same day they spring up. Discuss what is really bothering both of you then try to find a solution that is agreeable. Finally, forgive each other. Forgive, but don’t forget. Otherwise, you’ll just be having the same argument on down the road.

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How To Make Time for Each Other

In our busy worlds, it can be very hard to actually find time to enjoy each other’s company. If you find you are always passing each other rather than slowing down to speak to one another, it’s time you figured out how to make time for your spouse.

Examine Your Schedule

If you’re constantly on the go, it’s not necessarily healthy for you or your relationship. Relationships need patience and nurturing and many don’t receive the care they need if you never have time to focus on romance. So the first thing in finding time to spend together is to look at what is already on your calendar. Make a daily list of things that you do so that you can see exactly how your life works and what your schedule looks like.

Trim the Fat

Once you’ve got everything on the calendar, start working through your schedule trimming the wasted time and eliminating activities. For example, if you drop your son off at karate, then go pick up your daughter before dropping her off at dance, would you save time by picking up kids up first, dropping them both off, and possibly swinging by to pick up the dry cleaning on the way to or from the activities?

Are you going to the grocery store more than once a week? Would a better list help cut down the trips, or would possibly going to a different store with a bigger selection be better? How many side trips do you make every day and do you really need to stay that late at the office? Can you work through lunch and cut out early a day or two a week, or even run errands during lunch to save time at the end of the day?

Expand Your Network

Once you’ve rearranged your own schedule, reach out to friends and family to see if there is any kind of help out there. Perhaps your daughter’s best friend goes to the same dance class. Could the friend’s mother drop the girls off and you pick them up? Or is your spouse willing to handle one child’s events while you take care of another? You might even be lucky enough to have grandparents nearby who would enjoy picking up the kids and having them over for the evening one day a week.

Schedule a Date

Finally, your new schedule should have some extra time. Immediate fill it up. But this time, you may only schedule two things. The first is time for you – you need time so that you don’t burn out or make yourself sick without adequate rest. The second thing to fill up that time is a date with your spouse. Write him in the calendar in ink. And put his name on your schedule at least once per week. Be sure your spouse has done the same.

Keep the Appointment

The hardest thing about making time for each other is to actually keep the appointment. Spending time together doesn’t have to be a big deal, and you don’t even have to leave the house. Play a board game together or make a special dinner – even if it’s a very late one. Open a bottle of wine and enjoy a romantic movie. Get in a routine of togetherness, and soon you’ll find that you count on that time together for its relaxation and predictability – a bit of calm in an otherwise crazy world.

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How To Get Your Spouse to Change a Bad Habit

It’s been said many times – you can’t change a person. But for some reason, we keep on thinking we’ll fix someone after we marry him or her. You might not be able to change a whole person, but you might have luck changing a habit or two. Here’s how to get your spouse to change a bad habit.

Surrender

The first step in changing someone else’s habit is to surrender to it. You can’t actually force your spouse to change. Even if you find a way to bribe or blackmail him into changing, he will resent you and eventually that anger will undermine the change and add a negative aspect to the relationship.

You can’t force change, but you can encourage, guide and – best of all – make him think it’s exactly what he wants to do. So surrender the nagging, the complaining, the blackmail and the false guilt. All it will earn you is an irritated spouse determined to continue his bad habit not out of need, but simply because it’s so obvious you’re trying to make him stop.

Praise and Rewards

The next step to changing your spouse’s bad habit is to praise his good ones. Find positive things related to tasks that are essentially the opposite of the bad one. Find ways to praise and reward him not doing the bad habit in a way that isn’t threatening or even obvious.

For example, if you husband smokes but you want him to stop, after he showers, throw your arms around him and sniff him appreciatively. Tell him how sexy he smells after a shower and how much it turns you on. You might even fool around a little bit (or a lot.) Make a comment or two about how much you love it when he smells this clean and how much you love kissing him when his mouth is so fresh.

Then leave it alone. You’ve made your point. Unless you have a very dense spouse, he’ll realize that smelling (and tasting) clean is good, but smelling like smoke is bad. If you rewarded him in an exiting way that speaks to men (as is a way that doesn’t require clothing), he’ll most likely try to smell nice as often as possible. Just be sure to maintain the rewards.

Consistency

The praise and rewards system doesn’t work if you are nagging at the same time or reward good behavior only once. Find every opportunity to reward him for not smelling like smoke, tasting like cigarettes, and casually mention how you’ve noticed he’s cut down lately and how sexy it is that he’s tough to fight that addiction. Sure it’s all a mind game, but what in marriage isn’t? The more consistent reward and praise he gets, the more encouraged he will be to eliminate the bad behavior.

Be Patient

Finally, be patient. Habits aren’t easy to give up. To be truly effective your reward system must be subtle and consistent. Telling him flat out that you will let him have that new boat he’s been eyeballing if he quits isn’t a reward – its bribery. Don’t mention your plan to him or make it obvious what you are doing.

Personal rewards and praise take time to act. They are usually gradual so you must continue to be persistent. Also, don’t give up the reward system when the bad behavior is eliminated. By the time the bad behavior is completely eliminated, you should be almost constantly rewarding your spouse, and if you chose your reward and praise system well, you should be getting more than a few rewards of your own.

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How to File for Divorce

No matter how well things are going, sometimes things just don’t work out as well as we’d like. If your marriage is crumbling and you’ve done what you can to save it without success, it might just be time to cut your losses and consider divorce. You can work with a lawyer to file for divorce or you can use do it yourself divorce papers to file quickly and with less expense.

Organize Yourself

The first step to filing for divorce is not to trot down to the county courthouse. Instead you need to trot over to the filing cabinet and organize all of your records. You need records of your home ownership, bank accounts, debt and assets. If you’re suspicious, or feel like checking for your own good, dig around to be sure your spouse hasn’t hidden any funds or assets from you that he or she might be sheltering from pending divorce proceedings.

Find the Right Documents

If you work with a lawyer, she’ll arrange documents on your behalf making the process as simple as reviewing standard paperwork and signing on the dotted line. Doing your own divorce paperwork isn’t much more complicated, but you’ll need to double check that you have everything you need and take care of the filing and data entry on your own.

Divorce criteria and documents vary by state. California divorce papers and terms are very different from New York divorce papers – especially as California is a community property state and New York is not. (Community property states are those that treat income earned and assets acquired during the marriage as the property of both parties, regardless of who earned more.) You’ll need to be sure you have all of the right forms and follow the rules of your state.

Complete the Paperwork

If you’re divorcing amicably, work with your spouse to set the terms of the divorce and complete paperwork together if possible. Ironing out agreements pleasantly is far less stressful and takes less time than legal battles. Otherwise, fill out the paperwork according to the terms set by the state. A lawyer can be helpful at this point, especially if you have many assets and children.

The more special situations in a relationship, the more likely it will be that you’ll need assistance – child custody and alimony are especially tricky in a do-it-yourself situation. But if you and your spouse are both employed with no children or complicated asset distribution, a do-it-yourself divorce is not much trickier than a break-up.

File and Document

A divorce, even the simplest one, takes time and money. Filing for divorce costs anywhere from $100 to $350 depending on where you live. The lawyer fees will be much more, but these might be covered by your spouse – especially if you file a fault divorce. The forms and documents might incur additional costs as well.

While you work through the proceedings, be sure you document everything in writing. Take notes of every phone call and get every promise made by your spouse in writing. Keep meticulous records as divorce can turn nasty or just get complicated, and you’ll need evidence to support your claims and statements.

Nobody seeks a divorce when they marry, but sometimes the break-up just seems inevitable. It takes time and will drain you of energy both physically and emotionally, but a finalized divorce might just be the fresh start you need to find a better life.

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How to Choose a Name for a Baby

Naming a baby is one of the most exciting parts of pregnancy and childbirth. The name you select will have a profound impact on your child’s life and should not be taken lightly. To choose from all of the baby names available, consider the following steps:

Clear the Air

Be open-minded when you settle down with your significant to dream about baby and his or her name. Women are not the only ones who have ideas from childhood about what their baby will be named. The first step in discussing names is to get dreams, preferences and expectations out in the open.

If you’ve always dreamed of naming your baby girl Samantha, but your significant other only likes creative and highly unusual names, you need to clear the air. Offer your own general opinions and the thoughts you’ve already had. Listen to his. Then put those on the back burner and work toward a compromise that suits both of you and the unborn child.

Family

Is there a tradition in your family that you would like to continue? If your husband is a junior, perhaps your son should be a junior. If girls are names after members of the family, you might prefer to follow the tradition.

Heritage

Examine your heritage. Are there specific names or customs that are especially meaningful and applicable to your baby? Is the due date on the pregnancy calendar symbolic in anyway?

Brainstorm

Use a baby naming website or book to browse through and brainstorm about possibilities. Each parent should make a list of top choices and then share the lists to look for similar or identical selections. If one partner has a strong opposition to a name, cross it off the list. Naming your child is about reaching a decision together, not forcing a name on both your spouse and your child.

The Short List

Whittle down names until you have a short list. Then practice the names. Do they sound right with your last name? Do the initials spell anything embarrassing? Yell them up the stairs – does it fit your home and lifestyle?

You then can keep a short list until delivery or pick the name that appeals the most to both parents. If you are stuck between two names, ask a trusted friend for her opinion or use one name as the middle name.

Flexibility

Finally, be prepared to change your mind. It is perfectly acceptable to change your mind during delivery or even the last few weeks of pregnancy. Sometimes babies need names like, “Hope” or “Joy” that have extra special meaning you would never have known about before delivery. And other times you just realize that your little boy looks more like an Aaron than a Zebidiah once you’ve gotten a good look at him. Be flexible – you’ll need it the rest of your parenting career.

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How To Contact Your Kid’s Teachers

Staying involved in your child’s education is not only wise but is also necessary for your child to achieve at their best level. Teachers are highly trained professionals with years of experience, but only you know your child at every level. By working together, teachers and parents are able to help a child meet his full potential.

Staying in touch with teachers has gotten easier over the years thanks to technology. With many parents working outside of the home, running up to the school during the day is often impossible, so we must rely on other methods.

Phone Calls:

The most classic means of communication is still used today. Many teachers will make a phone call home if they need to discuss your child’s behavior or performance, but parents can take the initiative on phone calls as well. Teachers have their own voicemail and extensions in most schools, so parents can call and leave a message at any time – including during class. Most schools send calls directly to the teacher’s voicemail to be returned later if classes are in session.

Emails:

Thanks to increased technology on campuses, teachers are now also accessible by email. Permission slips can be sent via email as well as notes about special circumstances. Many teachers are open to emails and might even prefer them as they can be answered while students are working on other assignments – unlike phone calls.

If you have access to email, send your child’s teachers a quick note. The other nice thing about email is that it can be sent to multiple teachers at once. This cuts down on phone time and possible confusion. Send one message to all his teachers and wait for responses. It is also nice to have a printed copy of communications to share with your child or spouse as necessary.

Internet:

Many school districts have fully embraced technology and now have calendars with the daily lesson plans and assignments online. These websites also have contact information and notes from teachers or administration to parents. Other teachers have personal web pages for their classroom or blogs with notes and help for assignments. Parents who are interested in keeping up with their child’s homework and classroom assignments can access these sites from any computer.

Notes:

If you have a young or very reliable child, a written note might get to a teacher. Doctor’s notes and other excused absences must be written, but other short notes can be handwritten as well. Teachers often send notes home with young students, but older students are unlikely to deliver the message unless it is something positive.

A Conference:

Teachers have one period or time off during the day that is called their conference time. This is a time teachers should be collaborating with each other or conferencing with parents. Never hesitate to contact the school to set up a conference with your child’s teachers. Sometimes a bit of face time can make a powerful impression on your child and if nothing else, allows you to meet the people your child spends most of his day with.

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How To Understand Your COBRA Rights

COBRA, or Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, gives you the right to continued group insurance under most circumstances for a limited time. COBRA benefits are usually more expensive than the group rates you paid while employed as your former employer is no longer footing part of the bill, but in many cases is less expensive than independent insurance. For some situations, it might be the only method to keep insurance for situations like ongoing treatment and pregnancy.

What is COBRA?

The Untied States Government passed the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act in 1986 to extend health care coverage that might otherwise be terminated. It gives you options when it comes to healthcare.

Who Qualifies?

There are many situations that qualify you, your spouse or your dependents for COBRA benefits. In most cases, unless you were fired for gross misconduct, you, your spouse and dependents all qualify. Other circumstances also allow for benefits including death, divorce, qualification for Medicare, reduction in working hours and if a child outgrows dependent status.

Why COBRA?

If you were laid off or chose to leave a job, but don’t have another one with benefits already lined up, COBRA might be a nice way to bridge the gap without having to find other insurance. Benefits can last for one to three years and once you are approved, you can continue with the same methods of treatment you’ve been using up to that point. This is especially important for those with ongoing treatments for long term diseases, conditions and pregnancy where finding other insurance with the same coverage might be almost impossible.

COBRA benefits are often a bit less expensive than a similar plan through independent insurance.

What Do I Do?

When you leave a position or come into another situation which entitles you to COBRA benefits, you will receive a letter from your former employer within 14 days. You then can apply for benefits and your specific situation determines approval. Generally you have up to 60 days to apply, and coverage begins on the first day you would normally have had coverage – even if you elect the plan 60 days after that time.

For additional information, the United States Government has a list of FAQ available here.

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How To Get Health Insurance As An Expatriate

When you’re an expatriate, you have special limitations. You also have tremendous freedom, but with that freedom comes responsibly. By moving to another country or losing your citizenship, it’s entirely possible you lost your health insurance as well. There are a few ways to find coverage if you are an expatriate.

Marriage

One easy way to get insurance as an expatriate in many countries is through marriage. Of course you shouldn’t get married simply to take advantage of your spouse’s insurance, but it does make things easier. In some cases, even marriage won’t allow you medical coverage, but it all depends on the laws of the country you are living in, the citizenship of your spouse and the time you’re spent in the new country.

Employment

If you can obtain a visa or permit for employment with a company that offers group insurance of some kind, it is likely that you would qualify for insurance through employment. Of course, many expats head to distant corners of the globe to escape exactly these kinds of jobs, so this might not be the ideal solution.

Expatriate Insurance

Another option would be to apply for and obtain a specialized type of insurance called expatriate or international health insurance. Choosing expatriate insurance is an obvious solution, but can be tricky – especially if you are unfamiliar with the types of insurance plans available.

Choosing Expatriate Insurance

To make a choice in expat insurance, begin by thinking through the coverage you need. While it can be simple to assume you won’t be getting sick or need something like major dental surgery, it might be only your ego or misinformed nature speaking. After all, insurance is most often used in emergencies, and those happen everywhere. In many cases, letting your insurance lapse for more than a month or two might keep you from getting insurance later, even when you return to your own country, so be liberal in your selection – this is your health you’re protecting after all.

Types of expat insurance include: general medical, inpatient (admitted to the hospital) outpatient (doctor’s office only), dental, vision, maternity, chronic conditions, and evacuation. The industry is constantly releasing new packages as we become a more global society, so it important to understand your specific needs when comparing plans.

For example, if you are a woman, you will most likely need general medical insurance with both inpatient and outpatient components. If maternity is not covered in that plan, which it often is not, you will need a separate maternity plan – even if you don’t plan on becoming pregnant; you might not be able to qualify for one if an “accident” should occur. You’ll also need to consider dental and possibly evacuation assuming you have no chronic or preexisting conditions.

Research what various companies offer and compare plans side by side. Don’t necessarily go with the cheapest or the most expensive until you know exactly what your money is buying. Read reviews by others on various companies and plans, and speak with a person about your unique situation. Your insurance can mean the difference between a successful time abroad or one of poverty and misery – be sure you are adequately prepared.

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How to Buy Life Insurance

All adults, especially those with dependents or children, need to have some form of life insurance. The life insurance offered in company benefit packages is often a token gesture, but almost never enough to provide for your family satisfactorily after your death. You need to plan ahead, and you need to know how to buy life insurance.

Determine Your Need For Insurance

Life insurance in Canada, the United States and most developed nations comes with essentially the same terms and is offered in similar formats. There is term life insurance, which is essentially rented for a set amount of time, or there is whole life insurance which is a policy purchased over time which may be considered a form of investment.

To buy life insurance, you must determine what sort of policy you need. Is it likely your dependents will be off and successful on their own in a matter of twenty years or less? Or do you like the security of knowing you have life insurance right up to the end? Term life insurance is less expensive than whole life and it is most often purchased to last through your child rearing years or while you are the primary breadwinner. A smaller (less expensive) policy may be purchased after that if necessary. Whole life is more expensive, but you are able to show a purchased policy at the end of the payments which will be with you for good.

Determine the Amount of Insurance

The amount of your life insurance should be enough to:

• Fully cover your funeral, burial and maintenance expenses
• Settle all outstanding debts including credit cards, loans, medical payments, and liens.
• Pay off your home is your dependents will still be living there.
• Provide adequate living expenses for your spouse and dependents for an appropriate amount of time.
• Possibly pay for your children’s higher education.

There is a difference between buying life insurance with children and without. If your spouse works and you have no children, your policy need only cover what would be required to clear your accounts after your death and possibly pay off half or all of your major expenses to keep your spouse from going under from trying to keep up with all the bills.

If you have children, however, your spouse may not be working out of the home. You must plan for what your spouse will do in the event of your death. Will you need to pay for childcare if she is working? What sort of job is she qualified for? It is always best to leave as much as possible to cover your children’s living expenses until they are legal adults to make the strain of your absence bearable.

Buy the Life Insurance Policy

Discuss your options and selections with a life insurance broker. Compare plans from competing companies either through representatives or online. When you’ve found the plan that is right for you and your family, purchase it and then never lag on payments. Life insurance isn’t about you – it’s about keeping your family safe and comfortable when you are gone.

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