How To Write An Unsent Letter
The unsent letter is a journalism tool often used when you, the writer, have something you want to say to someone and are unable to tell them directly. Whether the person is physically absent from your life or there are other extenuating circumstances, an unsent letter can help diffuse the negativity of holding something inside.
What are some of the times you might choose to write an unsent letter?
- When the person you want to write is not able to listen. (The person is dead or in a coma or otherwise completely beyond your voice’s reach.)
- When the person you want to write is not willing to listen. (The person no longer wants a relationship with you or you are still in a relationship but know from past experience that there are certain things they will never hear due to their own denial.)
- When what you want to say may be more hurtful than helpful. (You are so angry or hurt by the other person that you need to get that raw emotion out on paper or you will be eaten up by it.)
- When what you want to say is something you don’t necessarily want the other person to know at this point in time. (You have a personal confession to make but are not ready to fully disclose yourself to the other person.)
The purpose of the unsent letter is to afford you the opportunity to say it all, everything from pain to rage, without fear of reprisal. You can tell someone to take a long trip off a short pier or confess that, even though they have moved on with their lives, you are still very much in love with them. You can tell a parent how much their neglect and abuse damaged you; or tell your rebellious child how painful it is to watch self-destructive patterns repeat themselves from one generation to the next. You can tell a teacher what you really think of the grade you received or your boss what you really think about your job. The unsent letter can be as rich or frivolous as you need for it to be.
Before you begin to write your letter, set aside a block of uninterrupted time for the actual writing. Allow at least thirty minutes but be prepared to spend more time because it is not unusual to find yourself pouring out more than you had initially anticipated writing. It is also not unusual to find that the emotion with which you started writing changes as you write. I have begun an unsent letter furious with anger and have the letter shift into a compassionate confession where I try to understand why something happened. Then again, you may find yourself filling pages with vitriolic accusations and never stray from that fury. There is no right or wrong when writing an unsent letter and very few rules apply. In fact, there are only three.
One
When writing the unsent letter the first thing you want to do is to date your letter, just as you would any other journal entry or letter you would write. You want to date your unsent letter for your own purposes. A year (or ten) from now, if you should reread your letter, you may be surprised by how much your personal attitude towards the person or situation have changed. This is to be expected but you won’t be able to fully appreciate how far you have come if you don’t know when you were at this place emotionally speaking and needed to write the letter to begin with.
Two
Write honestly and without hesitation. Do not stop to revise yourself. Above all else, do not censor yourself. Nobody is going to read what you write. You are not going to send this to the person. You don’t have to worry about anyone judging you for being too angry, too weak, too pathetic. Let everything pour out onto the page, whether you compose it with pen and paper or on a keyboard. Give yourself to be as transparent as you can be.
Three
This should be obvious but do not send the letter. Sometimes it is tempting to do so, especially if the person you are writing is still alive. The consequences of sending the letter are manifold. If you go into writing this letter without the intention of sending it, you are likely to say things that the other person is not prepared to hear. Yes, you may want to tell your former lover how much their absence grieves you but it is unlikely that you will receive any sympathy after your letter is read. If anything, he or she may think you are trying to be manipulative.
Writing the unsent letter is not meant to be an opportunity for you to tell anyone else what you need to say; its purpose is to afford you the opportunity to say what you want and need to say in spite of the other person’s willingness or ability to listen. This journalist exercise is incredibly powerful and, although it seems simplistic and may even appear to be useless, the truth is I know of no better way to express yourself honestly and without concern for repercussions than by writing unsent letter. If you simply must have someone read it afterwards, you can always share it with a friend or you can post it anonymously on the internet.
The unsent letter is an opportunity to give yourself closure where none is offered and the benefits may not be fully appreciated when you first undertake writing one but you can and will benefit from it in the long run.
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Posted in Education, Literacy - Reading and Writing
